Counselling for Men
Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash
As a Counsellor, I have helped so many men work through a whole range of issues over the years.
On a personal level, I also have a Partner, a Dad, and three brothers.
So as a Counsellor, but also as a female with male loved ones, there is one thing I know to be true.
There are still so many men who put off asking for help until things have reached crisis point!
I wonder if the following will sound familiar to you?
Most Men usually only call a Counsellor because their relationship is hanging by a thread, or their job is being badly affected or their mental or physical health have taken a desperate turn for the worse.
Even then, the main reason they eventually call is because their partner or family / friends have repeatedly asked them to get help!
Up until that point, they have usually spent months, but more often years, convincing themselves that they are "fine".
That they "can handle it."
That "it's not too bad."
That "it could be worse".
That they "haven't got time for bloody counselling!"
The trouble being that when we don't make time for our wellness, we can find ourselves eventually forced to make time for our illness which is not a great thought when it comes to family and work obligations.
When men eventually contact me, they find it hard to know where to start and can be very wary of the counselling process.
Historically, men just haven't been taught to talk about how they are feeling in the way that women are. They haven't been encouraged to show their emotions and a lot of men find it very difficult to put into words just what it is that they feel.
Things are slowly changing. More and more men in the media spotlight are starting to talk about their mental health which is encouraging We still have a long way to go before men will openly talk about how they are feeling and be comfortable doing it but take a look at this encouraging article 20 Male Celebs who have had Therapy.
Here’s another great article 10 Men on What they wish they knew about Mental Health.
I cannot tell you the difference counselling has made to the men who have taken that leap of faith and called me for help.
Men of all ages, with different jobs, different lifestyles, different backgrounds but all with one thing in common.
That historic belief that Men must be strong.
It turns out that the strongest thing they may ever do is find the courage to ask for help.
On a personal level, I also have a Partner, a Dad, and three brothers.
So as a Counsellor, but also as a female with male loved ones, there is one thing I know to be true.
There are still so many men who put off asking for help until things have reached crisis point!
I wonder if the following will sound familiar to you?
Most Men usually only call a Counsellor because their relationship is hanging by a thread, or their job is being badly affected or their mental or physical health have taken a desperate turn for the worse.
Even then, the main reason they eventually call is because their partner or family / friends have repeatedly asked them to get help!
Up until that point, they have usually spent months, but more often years, convincing themselves that they are "fine".
That they "can handle it."
That "it's not too bad."
That "it could be worse".
That they "haven't got time for bloody counselling!"
The trouble being that when we don't make time for our wellness, we can find ourselves eventually forced to make time for our illness which is not a great thought when it comes to family and work obligations.
When men eventually contact me, they find it hard to know where to start and can be very wary of the counselling process.
Historically, men just haven't been taught to talk about how they are feeling in the way that women are. They haven't been encouraged to show their emotions and a lot of men find it very difficult to put into words just what it is that they feel.
Things are slowly changing. More and more men in the media spotlight are starting to talk about their mental health which is encouraging We still have a long way to go before men will openly talk about how they are feeling and be comfortable doing it but take a look at this encouraging article 20 Male Celebs who have had Therapy.
Here’s another great article 10 Men on What they wish they knew about Mental Health.
I cannot tell you the difference counselling has made to the men who have taken that leap of faith and called me for help.
Men of all ages, with different jobs, different lifestyles, different backgrounds but all with one thing in common.
That historic belief that Men must be strong.
It turns out that the strongest thing they may ever do is find the courage to ask for help.
Sean's Counselling Experience
"I cannot thank Samantha enough for helping through some difficult situations in both my work and personal life. She is very easy to talk to and makes some very relevant observations. She makes you feel completely at ease and would certainly recommend her to anyone considering counselling. Prior to counselling I was very sceptical about the whole process, Samantha was able to help me overcome these thoughts and I would definitely approach her again in the future." Sean*, 43, Rochford *(name changed)
How can Counselling help men?
Photo by Spencer Davis on Unsplash
Read the following list. Does any of it resonate with you?
- I put on a front that I’m ok, especially to the people I love
- My relationship is being affected
- I take my feelings out on my partner or kids
- Work is so stressful, my job is all consuming
- I find it hard to say no, especially at work
- I put other people first and myself last
- I feel unhappy, flat, numb but don’t really know why
- I can find it hard to control my anger
- I can have outbursts with my partner, kids, work
- I have a difficult relationship with my parents or siblings
- I can feel really stressed or anxious
- I don't feel like myself anymoreAs a man, asking for help can be the hardest thing to do because you're living with so many stereotypes of what a man "should" be like, whether you realise it or not.
I've lost count of the amount of men who feel they need to put on a front with me, who won't let themselves cry, who minimise the effect that things have had on them.
And yet, once the trust has been built and they start to open up, it's living proof that men DO have emotions, they ARE affected by difficult life events and they CAN find ways to talk about them.
They CAN and DO cry, and finally allowing themselves that space in a counselling session to drop the act and just tell it like it is has made such a difference for them.
Paul's Counselling Experience
Photo by Ryan Hoffman on Unsplash
Still not convinced? Then I want to share an email I received.
It's from one of my long-term clients, Paul. I helped Paul for 18 months and at the end of his counselling, he wanted to share his experience in the hope that it might encourage other men like him to seek help.
Paul put off asking for help so many times and only came to me when he was near breaking point. Have a read and see what you think - I haven't changed a word, it's exactly as he wrote it.
"So its March 2019 and I am struggling mentally. Like most men of a similar age you view it as a sign of weakness to ask for help. THIS IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO. After doing a lot of research on the internet and looking at different people, I came across Sam. It was the best thing that happened in a long while. I was at a place where everything had become a problem. Previous things in life constantly on my mind, current things work / Family had turned me into a very miserable person to be around. It wasn’t fair on my Family, I had to sort something out.
After the first few sessions I knew Sam was the right choice. Her understanding of your situation and the ability to make you unravel it all in your head is amazing. The coping mechanisms that you will learn can only help you go forward with your life. There are times when it is hard, and you have to face up to some stuff that is really hard. Yes I have been in tears I'll admit it, but what you get through the other side it is an amazing feeling to have your Mojo back.
I have just finished with Sam after 18 months - It's time to crack on with life again. I cant thank her enough and I know she is there if I ever need her again. Ladies / Gents don’t struggle with your mental health - pick up the phone, make that call. It will be the best decision you ever made.”
I’m happy to confirm that Paul has indeed come back to me a couple of times since then when he’s needed support to work through other difficulties, because life has a habit of throwing us new curveballs to deal with.
Paul knew that this time around, he didn’t have to cope alone and used therapy again to support him whilst he worked things out.
It's from one of my long-term clients, Paul. I helped Paul for 18 months and at the end of his counselling, he wanted to share his experience in the hope that it might encourage other men like him to seek help.
Paul put off asking for help so many times and only came to me when he was near breaking point. Have a read and see what you think - I haven't changed a word, it's exactly as he wrote it.
"So its March 2019 and I am struggling mentally. Like most men of a similar age you view it as a sign of weakness to ask for help. THIS IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO. After doing a lot of research on the internet and looking at different people, I came across Sam. It was the best thing that happened in a long while. I was at a place where everything had become a problem. Previous things in life constantly on my mind, current things work / Family had turned me into a very miserable person to be around. It wasn’t fair on my Family, I had to sort something out.
After the first few sessions I knew Sam was the right choice. Her understanding of your situation and the ability to make you unravel it all in your head is amazing. The coping mechanisms that you will learn can only help you go forward with your life. There are times when it is hard, and you have to face up to some stuff that is really hard. Yes I have been in tears I'll admit it, but what you get through the other side it is an amazing feeling to have your Mojo back.
I have just finished with Sam after 18 months - It's time to crack on with life again. I cant thank her enough and I know she is there if I ever need her again. Ladies / Gents don’t struggle with your mental health - pick up the phone, make that call. It will be the best decision you ever made.”
I’m happy to confirm that Paul has indeed come back to me a couple of times since then when he’s needed support to work through other difficulties, because life has a habit of throwing us new curveballs to deal with.
Paul knew that this time around, he didn’t have to cope alone and used therapy again to support him whilst he worked things out.
